A Daring Experience

I was so happy to write my memoir and life experiences stories, I thought nothing of sharing many of the wild and naïve experiences I participated in throughout many years of my life, they seemed normal to me.  The joy of sharing with no one in particular, or the “accepting computer” (as long as I had my spelling correct), was inviting and comforting. I was exploring writing, a new and unknown avenue of connecting into a bigger, anonymous, and varied community.

 I also found that sharing a piece of writing at a time with a writing group was extremely helpful and nourishing. Alas, already in the exposing my story to the particular makeup of personalities in my writing group, I noticed some squirming of one or two of the more Christian and traditional participants as they shared in their feedback their discomfort with some of my more wild or intimate experiences. I tested my daring against their wall. I looked forward to the challenge.  I remember that I took in their criticism and considered it deeply, however, I kept sharing my curious, one could say naïve, explorations of life all the way to the limits, in one writing group meeting after another. I am now aware that I was testing my capacity to share my intimate life courageously, tolerate the criticism (Which I deeply appreciated) to see whether I would have it in me to “come out”, expose myself to the world at large. Of course, I did it. I published my memoir “From Mud to Lotus, I meant to behave but there were too many other options.” Recently.

I am very aware that growing up mostly in boarding schools from a very tender age and not having a home to speak of for most of my young life while experiencing wars and the creation of a new country for a group of often very traumatized Jews- escaping persecution, hatred, and the terror of genocide, - I had an unusual story to share with most American born sheltered from most such experiences. Even to the Israeli population, my story was not the average one. So I thought it will make a compelling read.

 All that said, in my life, as told in the book, I exposed myself to criticism, rejection, and many opinions by people who haven’t had either the opportunity or courage to engage in stepping out into the world and making every stranger a friend until they proved not to be one. Is that naivete?? Is that foolishness?? Or is the open willingness to give anyone or any experience the benefit of the doubt and   being courageously engaged in living a full, rich, imaginative life?

   I believe that being willing to step into life with optimism, openness, and joining is part of my personality called by many Naïve. From studying trauma and PTSD I also believe it was also influenced by my youth, where part of my survival strategy was expanding my family to the human family and the “universe” or the natural (sun, moon and such) and unseen world.   I related to the “rules that run this planet and our bodies we know little about” as the true authority that even though mysterious and uncontrollable, is benevolent and supporting me to enjoy whatever is possible to, while visiting this unknown place with a code book to be deciphered through that curiosity and courage to step into experiences with all I have to offer…my humanity.

The thrill of what I received through the vulnerability I exposed, risks I took and the sometimes disregard or avoidance I experienced, is excitement, engagement with the ones that chose to read my story and learning how the world relates to an odd bird. Tantalizing indeed. I highly recommend exploring sharing your vulnerability and tolerating the anxiety and maybe humiliation and dismissal to reap the wonderful fruit of aliveness and richness like no other.

 

Let’s face it. At the end of the road, we all have to face vulnerability, courage and meeting the unknown. So, developing a comfort zone with enjoying curiosity, being willing to face risks is the last frontier for us all.