Healing Emotional Pain

 

Healing Emotional Pain: # Me Too Era and me

 

When I was told by a reader of my memoir,” From Mud to Lotus, I meant to behave but there were too many other options” that I should have left out of my book, or just written in my diary all the sexual experiences I have had; I had to wonder why I felt the urge to go public with it.

Sex abuse has flourished in my childhood days and beyond because of the secretiveness of it!

 “It you talk or tell about it –I’ll kill you” is a familiar expression of the predator to a victim which I have often heard in the therapy room from clients. Secrecy is half of the abuse. Once it is out in the open—it can’t continue so easily. Not just with a particular abuser but as a permissible behavior in our patriarchal culture.

Still to this day we have major news item like the exposition of Epstein villa in West Palm beach where he systematically abused adolescent and young adult girls for years with the support of his female friend. It was possible to continue for years because it was a secretive fraudulent operation.

I felt the need not only to admit the sexual experiences I was confronted with, time and again by many men but admit it in public, break the secret, and from there feel the release of the trauma I was holding in my body from these experiences. Yes, I also went to therapy in my day to work on my untrusting attitude to men as a general gender that is selfishly feel entitled to treat girls and women as objects of personal excitement and pleasure. I wanted to share this cultural trend and its impact on me in my book because I believe it needs to be admitted by all of us as a culture.  Admitting and taking responsibility for our behavior brings about more equality in the treatment of each other that allows dignity to us women whether we are naïve or innocent or not.

I also wanted to share that other side of my sexual education and evolution, an experience that brought me to deep intimate connection, lasting love and sexual pleasure that went along with it.

I feel it is time to open this book of secrets and not hide, dismiss, or be ashamed of our loving energy and its sometimes-sexual expression. It is also time to stop treating us women as a toy, tool for pleasure or gratification of the dominant male at the expense of the victimized and traumatized woman.

I am willing to dare the judgement and criticism of the readers who feel uncomfortable to share my truth and my journey as the mission of the sharing is a growth experience for me and a necessity for the improvement of equality in our culture.